


Almost Morning

by BreatheAndFocus



Category: Jet Set Radio Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 17:30:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3455732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreatheAndFocus/pseuds/BreatheAndFocus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beat leaves the Garage one morning in an effort to enjoy a simpler side of the city. When Cube catches up with him, the two try their best to make peace with the past between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Morning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meikahidenori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meikahidenori/gifts).



I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sunrise.

The breeze is warm and calm, heralding the arrival of a spring I thought might never come. Down below, the city is quiet. In a few hours, the sidewalks will be bustling with life, but for now, there are distinct figures free from the rush finding their way around. Many seem to be taking their time getting where they need to be, a stark contrast to the usual frantic pace. I don’t linger on it for long, however, before I turn my gaze ahead. Over the city skyline, traces of color break the horizon and pierce the night. The oranges, the pinks, the yellows; the blues smothered black begin to brighten, and the darkness begins to transform into an almost blinding white. The sight is almost enough to take my breath away.

It’s been too long since I’ve been able to see something like this. I almost forgot the freedom that came with such a view. It almost feels as though there is nothing waiting for me back home, and what I wouldn’t give for that to be true. I suppose for now, it is.

As I pull my knee into my chest, as I delicately wrap my fingers just below my knee cap, I count the scars against my skin, the still open wounds, the many reminders of why I need to be here right now. In a life that can get so complicated, sometimes, it’s the simple things we need to stay sane.

As I close my eyes, I hear a bird’s call somewhere in the distance, and somehow, it’s enough to bring me towards tears. I feel as though it’s been years since I truly sat still like this, and somewhere deep down, it’s a realization that aches. I didn’t realize how much I yearned for time to stop. Just a minute or two, just a simple a break from reality, from the violence, the politics.

I don’t dislike the world I’ve created for myself out on the streets down there, but it isn’t freedom. The constraints of society are absent, but the street comes with chains of its own, and in the silence, they seem to drop off with an almost deafening clatter around me. I begin to laugh to myself, gently though, as to not disrupt the scene too much.

The wind blows again, its gentle touch sinking into my skin, and the breath I release takes all my tension with it, all of my powerless thoughts. I haven’t been without them in so long, it almost feels funny.

In the comfort of quiet, I softly begin to sing to myself.

_‘I wonder if I'll shine one day,_

_and learn to love this life like you._

_If my heart breaks, and I decay,_

_On my last breath,_

_I want to see this world_

_Through the eyes that you did…'_

I’m not sure if I remember all the words, but that’s okay. I stumble over a few, I laugh, and I move on, settling into the sounds of the song and the sky.

I don’t know how long it’s been when a voice goes off behind me.

“Never saw you as a morning person, Beat.”

I’m not sure what Cube wants from me. It has to be something, because if she found me all the way out here, she had to be looking, and I wonder how long she was. Not sure why, either. We haven’t had much to say to each other since she joined us. I think we both still hold grudges.

I don’t spare her my attention as I say, “There will always be things worth waking up for.” I stand by that. Things have been bleak, I’ve felt truly hopeless, but I will always stand by that, so long as my strength holds. As her footsteps approach, I wipe my hands against my cheeks, in case any stray tears remain. She doesn’t need to see that. Nobody does.

She seats herself beside me, and we say nothing for a while. I try to forget about her as I return to watching the sunrise. It won’t be long before the colors vanish, and I want to appreciate them for as long as I possibly can. Once they’re gone, they’re gone, and I’ll have business to attend to in the city below. I hold onto the moment that I’m in. I don’t know when I’ll have another one like it.

Finally, she says, “Never had you pegged as a sunrise guy, either.”

I answer, almost absently, “I’m not really the sort of guy who likes to be pegged for anything.” Everyone has their own ideas of who I am when they see me, so I try to do my own thing, all those ideas be damned. “You got a problem with it?”

“Not really.” She pauses before she gently murmurs, “You have a nice singing voice.”

My eyes narrow dangerously, and I barely avoid flinching. “How long were you standing there…?”

Smirking, she says, “Can I plead the fifth?”

“This isn’t America, so no,” I answer wryly.

She shrugs, slightly entertained. “A little while. You sounded so content for a change, I didn’t want to bother you.” I’m still watching what remains of the sunrise, but I can feel her watching my face instead. “Why? Embarrassed?”

“Why should I be?” In truth, a little, but I don’t feel particularly inclined to let her know it. “So what do you want? Are you guys waiting for me back at the Garage?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.” If they aren’t waiting, then I don’t really care what she’s doing here. The last wisps of yellow are fading into the pale blue light, and I gently lay myself down, looking upward instead. There isn’t a single cloud overhead. It really is a lovely morning. As I’m thinking that, she whispers, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, but I haven’t had the chance. When I heard you leaving the Garage, I was worried.”

I blink a few times. “Worried about what, exactly?”

I’m not watching her, so I’m not prepared when she takes my wrist into her hand. In my surprise, I pull it from her grip, and I shoot her a glare. I find that she’s watching with sad eyes. “Some of those cuts are going to scar, you know.”

“It’s none of your business,” I answer coldly, when what I really want to say is, ‘I didn’t think anyone had noticed.’

“I have a few of my own,” she tells me, and she tugs subtly at the edges of her glove. “I’ve known others with ‘em, too. I-” There, she pauses. She closes her eyes and bites down on her lip. She takes a long breath before she quietly confesses, “I lost someone who had them, once. One of the Rapid 99 girls, not long after I left. I should’ve been there. I should’ve been paying more attention, but she seemed alright at the time. You never know. I didn’t want to make that mistake again, so I followed you.”

The pieces click together in my head. “You thought I was going to jump?”

“I wasn’t sure,” she whispers, “but you’ve been down these days, and you were sneaking out in the middle of the night to climb a very tall building. I wasn’t exactly jumping to conclusions here. I was fully prepared to talk you down, if I had to.” Her eyes stare into the distance as she murmurs, “I know we don’t exactly get along, but…”

A knot begins to form in my throat, and I don’t know why. “Cube…”

“I’ve been watching, Beat. It’s a lot of pressure, taking charge around here. No one knows that better than I do. You wouldn’t be the first one to consider ending it yourself.”

I swallow hard. I wasn’t thinking along that line this morning, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been down that road before. I see bridges and rooftops more often than I’d like when I close my eyes these days. That fact may have guided me here, actively or not. I thought I’d buried it enough so that nobody would notice, but I wouldn't be the best judge of that, watching from the inside out.

“I’ve been better, but I’m getting by,” I say tentatively.

“Are you saying that because you mean it, or are you saying that because you have to?" She sounds unusually serious, and her expression becomes troubled. "I know how many people count on you. I know how many people would be devastated if they knew what you were using your pocket knife for.”

I wince. “Most of ‘em aren’t that deep,” I insist.

“The depth isn’t the problem here.”

I’ve got no rebuttal for that.

“I’m not here to give you a lecture, Beat,” she says. “I was just hoping we might be able to leave the past behind us. I was hoping I could help somehow.” That’s a thought, I guess. Before I can say anything, she says, “I’m sorry I had Poison Jam jump you in the sewers.” Her tone is a little bitter, but it’s a start. “I already know that it gave you nightmares for a while. Gum told me that you used to have flashbacks.”

“Weren’t those the days,” I murmur, half sarcastic. “We all enjoy a good shanking around here.” I still have the scar between my shoulder blades.

“Everyone out here needs to be shanked at least once for street cred.” In contrast, her voice is entirely sarcasm, and she rolls her eyes in exasperation. “I was in a bad place, alright? Poison Jam wasn’t the best place for me. It was, well, toxic. Not sure what would’ve happened if I hadn’t gotten out of there.” There’s another pause before she whispers, her voice ambivalent, “I’m glad you guys took me.”

It’s the first time I’ve heard her express anything other than contempt towards our invitation for her. “You always seemed insulted,” I tell her. “The fact we let you in at all always seemed to bother you.”

“It did. I thought it was a pity offer. Not sure the sting of it’s entirely gone yet, either, but you guys have been good to me. I know I don’t deserve it.” She turns away from the city and instead faces me, watching as I lie on my back. It’s a little awkward, but she doesn’t seem to think so. “For a while, I really did think I would take your team out from under you. I was going to try.”

“I’ve been watching for that,” I tell her, unsurprised and unoffended.

“I know.” She’s smiling now. “Along the way, though, I think I lost my resolve, and I think it’s because you’re really good at this team running thing.” My eyes narrow in confusion, and she tilts her head. “Do you even realize how much they trust you?”

“I wouldn’t say that.” My thoughts sink slightly as I stare at the sky. “They trust Gum. She’s good for morale. They trust Corn because he’s chill about everything. I do damage control and a lot of running around. That’s about it.” I understand that it’s important work, and I remind myself of that often, but it’s not the sort of work that gets noticed much. I’m expected to be the walking database, not credited for it, and getting between fights often makes me the bad guy. Not much else to it, really. “The shit I do is taken as given, I find. They’d only notice if I weren’t doing it.”

She laughs, and while I haven’t heard it from her before, I recognize it as a sympathetic sound. “Maybe that’s what it feels like from where you’re standing.” From where I’m standing, I’d say I have pretty good insight, but I don’t argue with her, and she seems to realize that I’m not convinced. She’s hesitant, but she slowly reaches out and rests her hand on my shoulder. “Let me put it this way, then: You made _me_ trust you, and _I_ notice, for whatever that’s worth. I didn’t even want to, but you work hard, and I’m not blind.”

The knot in my throat swells. “What do you want from me?” I ask, my voice strained. She has to want _something._ There’s no other reason...

Her smile becomes sad. “I want you to feel as though there’s someone you can turn to if it all becomes too much for you. I know it’s a lot to ask for, given our differences, but I want to at least try.”

“Why…?!” I don’t know why I suddenly feel distressed. It may be because I don’t know how to answer her, or it may be that I’m afraid to trust her. I haven't had reason to before.

Her eyes begin to well up. “Because I get it. I’ve been here too. It sucks, doesn’t it? No matter how hard you work, the only time it’ll ever be recognized is when you don’t do it well enough. It's the worst feeling there is.” She laughs, a coiled, bitter laugh, and she says, “You forget that when you escaped the sewers alive, I got kicked from the gang for failing them as a leader. I’d never let them down before then, and without me, they fell apart completely. They blamed me for that, too.” She bites her lip as her voice wavers slightly. “I left Rapid 99 because running that show was thankless. I was so sick of being expected to do everything like it was nothing. A woman running Poison Jam at least made it so that people noticed, and look how that turned out.” She snorts. “Maybe I don’t want to take the GGs from you because I’m starting to realize that being a leader is just an awful position to be stuck with. I’m happier where I am near the bottom.” Her fingers tighten around my shoulder. “But I’ve still been there, and I know what it’s like. And I want you to know that I notice. I notice what you do for us, and if nobody has ever thanked you before, let me be the first. Thanks. The GGs wouldn’t be a fraction of what they are today without all the work you put into it.”

I don’t realize the full impact her words have had on me until a sob wrenches from my throat. I swear, pull off my shades, and cross an arm over my eyes. I hear her release an amused, empathetic breath as she lies down beside me and waits for the spell to wear off.

As it does, she says, “I don’t expect this to solve all of your problems, but at the very least, next time you’re considering drawing your own blood, could I ask you to come find me instead? You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to, just sit with me for a bit.” When I don’t answer, she hesitates. “I have my off days, too. Mind if I find you when they happen?”

“I’m always available for anyone in the team who needs support. That includes you,” I say, unable to speak any louder than a low murmur.

“So will you let a member of the team be there for you when _you_ need it?” She gives me a quiet nudge as she says, “I’ll let you have my back if you let me have yours.”

“Are you blackmailing me?” Thankfully, I’m able to convey the fact that I’m joking, and she giggles.

“Maybe a little.”

“I’ll find you,” I answer softly. “If I need you, I’ll find you.” Even more softly, I add, “I’m sorry that I got you thrown out of Poison Jam. You know, by not dying.”

She only laughs. “I’m starting to think I prefer you alive, so let’s put it in the past, alright, Beat?”

I manage a breath of my own. “Alright.” It lodges itself in my throat, but I muster up my courage and force out the words, “You can call me Matthew, if you’d like.”

“Evalyn,” she answers. “You can call me Eva if I can call you Matt.”

“Sure.” Her name was the only one I didn’t know. Hearing her answer my name with her own settles something within me. There’s trust in that. I hold onto it.

I know we should get going. The sun is climbing higher and higher, but I don’t really want to move. I like it here. I’m alright here…

Still, when I hear her standing, I know it’s my cue to do the same. As I shift, my thoughts twinge. I feel as though there’s one last thing that needs to be done…

“Eva.” She freezes and casts me a look as I start to sit up. There’s a lot running through my mind right now, through my chest and my gut, but I still manage to say, “If nobody ever thanked you, either, then may I?”

I see her shock fade into gratitude, and she turns around, offering me her hand.  “Sure.”

I take it. “Then thank you. I don’t know how you realized it, but I...” I choke, and I try to breathe through it. “I needed something like this, and I...I’m glad you noticed.”

Her index finger traces the hem of my sleeve, revealing red edges snaking beneath the fabric. I can tell she wants to see them for herself, to get an idea of how bad it truly is, but letting her catch even a glimpse is already a lot for me to handle, and I feel myself threatening to pull away. She can see it too, and respecting those boundaries, she backs down. “I’m here for you,” she promises, and I graciously nod. While I know she means to help me up, our grip feels more like a handshake, and I let myself relax.

“Thanks.” As I adjust my footing, I smirk. “Now please, don’t sneak after me onto any more rooftops.”

Her amused grin spreads from ear to ear, and it’s honestly quite beautiful in and of itself. “How else am I ever going to hear you sing again?” She pulls me to my feet, and I slap her shoulder. It’s an experimental gesture, but she seems to like it. “Come on, Matt. The GGs are waiting for us.”

With timid smiles at one another, we begin to make our way back towards the city below.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot was inspired by and named after a piano piece called 'Almost Morning' by Eschen Chan.  
> The song Beat sings is an English translation to a song called 'Futarigoto'.  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
